All It Takes Is One

Jessica has a saying about 8 hugs a day and how they lift you up and keep you feeling good. Yesterday, was one of those days. I had been stressing over getting a job and decided I would interview with a family looking for a sitter a few days a week. It wasn’t my ideal job, but I like children and miss being around the ones my friends and family have so I went for it.

On the day of the interview, my hormones decided to come for a visit. I couldn’t find anything to wear, I was self-concious, emotional and feeling like a loser. I was about to walk out the door for a job I wasn’t sure I really wanted, but felt I needed so as not to be a burden on Kevin.

I met with the family, but I didn’t feel the connection. They were lovely people, the mother and daughter were gorgeous and the father was very nice and welcoming. I left there feeling low. Going through my head was the thought, “Hey college, get a real job.”

The next day, yesterday, I was being extremely hard on myself. Nothing seemed good enough, everywhere I looked was negativity, resistance and self-loathing. My friends were trying their best to bolster my self-esteem and lift my mood, but it just wasn’t happening.

The family called and I knew from “Hello” that they were calling to turn me down. The wife was so sweet about not hiring me. I almost felt bad for her because she was so nice in her rejection of me. After hanging up the phone my spirits were low. I thought, “Gee, I can’t even get a babysitting job.” What I should have been thinking was, “That’s for the best.” I threw myself on the bed and silently cried and then I felt like I should cry some more make it dramatic. That always makes me feel ridiculous, the loud sobbing with shuddering and some snot.

The best way to stop crying is to feel like a fool doing it, which I certainly did. I decided to rearrange some furniture. There’s nothing like moving beds, dressers and armoirs to work out your problems. When Kevin arrived, I was still in my heavy lifting mode, “I’m sorry you didn’t get that job.” He said. As I normally do I shrugged it off and didn’t say anything knowing if I did I would cry and he wouldn’t know what to do. He saw that I was upset and feeling low, and you know what he did? He said, “Can I do anything?” most of the time when men ask that women always say “No.” and the men walk away thinking at least "I tried." but not this time. Kevin asked, “Do you want a hug?” which made me feel so much better I didn’t cry. The tears that were threatening to flood went away, and I laughed and told Kevin how I had cried earlier but moved the furniture to make myself feel productive. He said, “I noticed; it looks nice.” That one hug and compliment were the best medication I’ve ever had for feeling low and sorry for myself.