Craig's Scam-A-Lot

Last week I posted my services as a tutor on Craig's list.  I have received several different emails from potential clients, but my internet-smarts red flagged the first and all the following were eerily similar.

I was so excited when I received the first one that I had to read it twice before I caught the stench of a scam.  I replied to the email, thinking I would be a detective and try to bust the would be criminal.  I'll let you read all the responses for yourself. Here are the emails I received:

Jones White to me show details Oct 10 (8 days ago)
Hi,
Let me know if you are available to tutor my Son great things and how much it will cost for a minimum time of 3hrs per week.
Dr.Jones.
 
To which I reply with the following email.  Check out my sneaky detective skills. I refrained from referring to him as Indiana. I figured if I kept it light and simple he wouldn't catch on to my ploy and divulge all his sinister plan to me at which time I would swoop in with a team of internet snipers and make him pay for his egregious crimes.
 
Dr. Jones,

I charge $25 an hour for tutoring sessions. Were you interested in the Spanish lessons or English Language Arts and Writing? What grade is your son and what is his name?
Please respond with days and times if you are interested in my services.
Thank you,
Amber
 
He responds:

Jones White Oct 15



Hi Amber,


Thanks for getting back to me...am Dr. Jones White. I am from Fresno,California but currently based in Elizabeth Vale, South Australia. with my wife and children.. My son Frank will be coming for an holiday in the States,and i want him to be busy throughout.
Therefore, i just want to know if he can always come to you and teach him good things on Spanish every afternoon..If this is possible,i will want you to get back to me with the cost of your teaching him for a month which can start by 26th of October to next month...
He will be in the state in 2 weeks time...He will be coming to your Place for 1 hour each morning or afternoon..The Local Library would be your meeting place and Nanny would be dropped off/picked up during the hours of teaching
My Son's name is Frank,he is 13 years old and he is just a beginner. I will want you to calculate 1 hour per day for Monday,Wednesday,Friday for a MONTH,and get back to me so that we can arrange on payment.Kindly get back to me with.. TOTAL CHARGES FOR 1 MONTH THAT HE WILL BE TAUGHT 3 TIMES PER WEEK..
Thanks and waiting to read from you soon.
Dr. Jones.

Does that smell fishy to you?  I think so.  I haven't figured out how to get into my angelienajoliesque harness and body suit yet, but am planning something ingenious to catch this lowlife who preys on unassuming victims.
Here are the other emails that followed the wily Dr. Jones:

Davis Micheal to me



show details Oct 17 (1 day ago)
Hi,
Let me know if you are available to tutor my Son great things and how much it will cost for a minimum time of 3hrs per week.

Dr.davis

 Rev James Vincent to me show details 4:13 AM (6 hours ago)

Hello,


How are you and how was your day be like,I saw your teaching ad's on craigslist and i will like to know if you can teach my son in your field 3 times in a week and 1 hour each day. Please get back to me with your charges per hour and your cell phone number,so that i can call you to discuss about it better. 

Have a nice Day and i hope to read from you soon.


You Are Bless
 
Reverend James
 
Bill Blauer to me show details Oct 12 (5 days ago) -- Notice how in this last email from Bruce he tries to close the deal by selling the non-smoker aspect of his Son.  Reads more like a pedophiliac singles ad.

A tutor Teacher is needed urgently for my 14 years old Son, possibly 2-3 days a week. Very flexible hour, Non-smoker, Excellent compensation. Get back with your price per/h if you are available.
Regards


Bruce
 

 
I think I'll respond to all with the following message:
 
Dear all,
 
I think you all are in greater need of my services as an English teacher than your children are in need of my Spanish tutoring.  Your grammar is horrible, and the thin veil behind which you have hidden your scam is laughably poor.  Maybe this type of ignorant plot to extract money from a victim would work on you and your Son, but not me.
I would love to teach you Great Things.  Lesson number 1: Learn the language through which you are trying to deceive your victims.  Lesson number 2:  Learn about American culture if that is the country you would like to rob the most.  Here in the great U.S of A, the professional doctors don't generally sign correspondence with the title and their first name.  Idiots!  It would read Indian Jones, Ph. D, M.D or D.D.S etc..  Lesson number 3:  Learn your Geographical facts.  Billings, Montana is nowhere near Fresno, California.
 
I'm sure if you decided to grow a set of cojones and come here to the United States that my fellow countrymen and women would love to round out your education.
 
Sincerely,
 
Amber

Dirty Dancing

 Jessica, her sister Jamie and I use to put Madonna on the tape deck in Jess's living room and make up routines for our living room show. I also remember one time we played the Beach Boys or some other group that did surfing songs and we used the bench to the Prose's kitchen table as our surfboard.  Inovative we were. I had never even seen a surfboard, or the ocean but I was a pro that day. 
That memory led me to the one where my sister Janet and my cousin Deedee did our hair in that awesome 'do we call "the crimp" baby, I'm pretty sure Dirty Dancing was playing in the back ground because it seems like for a period of time that is the only movie females in my family watched. 

Dancing seems to be the thread I'm following here, so go with me to the high school dances at the cafetorium in Ponder, Texas if you will.  I remember being in elementary around 5 grade when the whole school would go to the dances.  My cousin Deedee and her friend would dance in the big group circles, that my friends and I would eventually embrace, and they would let me in sometimes too.  I remember my cousin being at the valentine's dance when I was in fifth grade, around 1988, and was nominated to be the princess.  I think Lori Crider may have actually won, but the point is I remember being so proud that my older cooler cousin was there rooting for me.

Years later it's Jess and I in the big circle dances, and don't remember them being "dirty" in high school but I do think back on them as being nerdy.  Back then, the big thing was to jump around your friend laying in the floor without stepping on them.  Sound weird, dangerous?  I think I stepped on Crystal Patterson's throat at my aunt Emma's house once. 

I wish I had this one picture.  It was taken infront of Jess and Jamie's house before the black and white dance, or maybe it was the polka-dot dance, we all had on blue jean shorts and polkadot tops. (is that right?) We being Jess, Jamie, Crystal and me.  I think Erin was there too, but maybe her shirt wasn't dotted. 

I don't know what got me thinking about hair and dancing, but it makes me smile to remember that stuff.

Just a bit

This is what I woke up to this morning. You can tell the pond isn't frozen over but there is snow on the ground, in the trees and roof tops. It's suppose to be a high of around 26 today, but warm back up tomorrow.

Beef Stew

When the weather turns cold I always crave hearty chunky steaming bowls of comfort food. Yesterday, to combat the falling snow, I made a delicious beef stew. Sorry, I forgot to take pictures. I don't think it would have photographed well anyway.  It was brown with chunks of other brown things (meat) and white things (potatoes) and orange things (carrot) and you get the point.  It made the entire house fill with mouthwatering aromas and I couldn't wait to dig in when it was done.

To prepare the stew, I used a pound of beef stew meat seasoned well with salt and pepper. I browned the meat in a large sauce pan for about 8 minutes. Then I removed the meat and added butter to the meaty juice in the pan and put in peeled pearl onions. After cooking the onions for several minutes I added minced garlic a bit more butter, then potatoes, celery, carrots and cherry tomatoes. I should have peeled the toms first because their little skins were floating in the stew at the end. I added a touch of salt, more black pepper plus red pepper flakes. Once the vegetables were seasoned and in the buttery meaty sauce I sprinkled flour over the top of everything, I had also added a bit more butter. I stirred the mixture to combine and check its thickness then I poured in beef stock and let the whole mess come to a boil. Once the concoction boiled, the burner was turned down so the stew could simmer for an hour or so until the veggies are soft.

When Kevin got home I toasted some sourdough jalapeno slices to serve with the soup. The stew was delicious and had enough spice. Kevin didn't need to doctor it up, but it wasn't too spicy for me. I'm having the left overs for lunch and I know it will taste even better today. Like so many other things I love, soups only get better with age.

en coche

Since I've been in the great state of Montana, I've probably seen most of it from the front seat of various vehicles. I can't think of one weekend that Kevin and I haven't been traveling either within the state or outside to Texas, Utah, whatever. I'm not complaining. I've seen a lot of landscape, animals, rest stops and gas stations, but it will be nice to have some time "at home" this weekend.


I'm learning a lot about living here. It's an entirely foreign thing to me to WINTERIZE stuff. One thing that's different for certain is that in Montana fall means snow fall not autumn. We had about a week and half of fall-like weather and then it started to snow. I missed the first snow fall of the season, due to our journey back to Texas for the Peanut Festival, and Aubrey Homecoming, but it's snowing right now and I can't stop looking out the window to make sure it's still there. CRAZY. Snow in October.

If it sticks I'll take some pictures, but for right I've got to winterize myself. Where are those long underwear?

Great Expectations

One would expect a 32 year old woman to be able to park in a garage.  Well I can but it was filled with anxiety.  When you grew up in a trailer and have rented apartments your entire adult life, in Texas no less, there wasn't any garage in which to park.

Here in Billings the weather has turned cold and gray.  They high for today was 53 which we reached about 9 am and it's been falling since about 11.  It's 42 and raining.  That rain may turn to snow, so I decide the garage is the best place for my car. 

I pull into the drive line it up with the outside of the garage door and then get out of the car to stand infront of the garage and mentally measure the width of my car and compare it will the really small looking garage door.

I go inside because the pressure is just too much, it takes Jessica making fun of me to build up my confidence enough to give it a try.  I block out the metal scraping noises echoing in my head and slowly creep into the garage.

I did it!  I did it!  I didn't even hit Kevin's bike when I surrounded with the trash bags just to give myself a bumper. 

I know I should be ashamed of admitting that I was unsure of my parking abilities, I mean I've parrallel parked a bus before, but I'm proud.  It's never to late to stop learning even if common expectations dictate that one should be confident in their garage parking ability before the age of 32.

Hefrowok, Ipeewoods

Sunday, Kevin and I ventured over to Idaho into the Selway Bitterroot wilderness area of the Clearwater National Forrest for some hiking at Jerry Johnston hot springs. In our guide book we read that the clothing optional thermal pools were only 1.5 miles from the suspension bridge that crosses the Lochsa River.



I wore black underwear and a black sports bra just in case we decided to get in, my swimsuit was in Billings. The parking area was packed, as were the "pools". Most of the people we saw were younger and clothed, but we did see more than we wanted.



Why are nudes always ugly? As we are approaching the 3rd bathing area, thankfully I didn't have my glasses on, I see a lot of flesh. "Kevin is that old guy naked?" I inquire. "Uh, Yes," replies Kev. "Oh My God is he bending over." I ask trying to keep the giggles under control. It seems that when you bend over naked, one must hold that pose for an unnaturally long time.



After seeing that there just wasn't enough space in Idaho for me, Kevin and a nude guy, we decide that maybe will just keep hiking up through the day use area and see what else there is to see. We hike another half mile or so into the woods; where we spot two park rangers. They tell us about a really cool waterfall about two miles away. The waterfall lies outside the Jerry Johnston boundaries and is actually in the wilderness area.

Bubba chased squirrels. We took lots of pictures. Kevin must have had a power bar and energy drink combo for breakfast because he basically sprinted up the mountain; whereas, I took alot of breaks because I'm fat. We didn’t see any wildlife other than squirrels, but there was lots of wild animal poop.  Once we reached the top of the world we found the waterfall and had a nice little mountain top wilderness pick-nic consisting of, Apples, cheese, beef jerky and chocolate chip Cliff bars for dessert. It was nice to sit there on the edge in the middle of the wilderness where there was nothing but trees rocks and water. Relaxing.

Men, or the little boys in men, like sticks and rocks. Anytime we go hiking Kevin has a walking stick. He also digs rocks. If there is a cliff, or a body of water a rock needs to be tossed, kicked or thrown down/into, I gave Kevin his Indian-- er, um, Native American-- name: Hefrowok, but I guess that sounds a bit cavemanish. The hike back down was less demanding but not necessarily faster, because I had to pee several times. I think I marked more trees than did the dog; therefore, Kevin named me "Ipeewoods". However, that name didn't stick around long I later became known as "Falling Squaw".

Once we got back down to the hot springs area all the bathers, clothed and x-rated were gone. We had the place to ourselves but didn't have the energy to get in and enjoy the thermal waters. I was less than graceful as our adventure came to a close. My hiking boots were just to heavy and the rocks, roots and other obstacles were landmines. Within 500 feet of the park exit a sniper takes me down. I'm peering out over the river thinking that a naked Sacagawea probably bathed there with Lewis and Clark, when my right foot strikes a rock, trying to correct myself my left foot becomes entangled with my right. My arms are paralyzed and my face is rushing toward the hardpan. Luckily, my right foot had been a bit forward so I fell at an angle and my right shoulder cashed into earth before my face. Since my hands were to retarded to stop my fall, my shoulder did all the work. Kevin caught the airborne portion of my routine. He turned around just in time to see my feet above my head in the air and my body kissing the dirt. Being the nice man he is, he showed concern and made sure I was laughing before he started.

I was so exhausted from our adventure that my laughing almost turned to hysteria. I started to feel the tears coming on and didn't know if it was from laughing or falling, but I collected myself. With Hefrowok's help, Falling Squaw got back up. We stood there giggling for an eternity before we could get moving again. The 45 minute trip home was filled with talk of how great our hike was and we both relived my dramatic exit more than once producing giggle fits.

So far, the Jerry Johnston outing has been our favorite, but we plan to attack many more trails in our hiking guide. I'll let you know how they go. Hopefully, I won't fall off a mountain.

Back in Black

My muse had left me for a while and without proper inspiration I had nothing to post. Lot's of things have been going on, but I didn't have the magic to express it. We've been here in Lolo for the past month and unfortunately my new phone/air card don't work at the bottom of the valley where our cabin is located. My internet connection has been limited, but here's a quick run down on what I've been doing. I went with Ely to the River City Roots Festival. Here a few highlights from that experience:

Cash for Junkers opens the River City Roots Fest

Sculptor Sunti Pichetchaiyakul show cases his

lifelike art at the Roots Fest

What can I say? This girl

made me miss my friends.

Since the Roots Festival, I've been making my way around Missoula and Lolo. I've  found an excellent coffee place with bagels and lox. Kevin and I delivered a Schwalbe truck to Salt Lake City, Utah this last weekend. While in Lolo, we've been hiking in the Bitter Root, but what got me thinking about writing in my blog again was the tasty black bean soup I made for dinner last night.

I have been craving Cuban sandwiches and felt guilty about serving Kevin a sandwich for dinner, so I decided that soup and sandwiches were perfectly okay when the soup is homemade and not from a can.

I find it takes quite a bit longer to make things due to the altitude. What should have taken 2 hours took 3 and 1/2. I started with a package of bacon. (bacon makes everything better) Once the strips were crispy, I set the bacon aside and sautéed the carrots, onion, celery, garlic and jalapeno in the drippings, then I added dried thyme, oregano, cumin and a bay leaf. I cooked the veggies and herbs together for a bit before adding the chicken stock and tomato paste.

After bringing to a boil I let simmer. When the liquids got too low I added tap water, and some beer. Oh yeah and I also roasted a red bell pepper and added it to the simmering pot.

While the soup was on the stove I rubbed the pork loin with a Chulula spiced seasoning salt. I seared the loin in some of the bacon fat that I had preserved, then cooked it in the oven at 400 for 35 minutes. When it was done I let it rest before carving it into thin slices to serve on toasted sourdough hoaggie rolls with melted Fontina cheese, pickles and mustard.

To finish off the black beans I ran them through the blender, but left it lumpy not smooth. I added some sour cream and cilantro to the individual servings. It was so good I had to tell you guys about it.

Dead Zone

While in Missoula my Sprint services don't work.  I can't use my phone or aircard in my little cabin.  I noticed after my Mexico trip that my aircard wasn't working even in urban areas.  Yesterday, I called Marquita at Sprint and was told that it would cost me $150 bucks to disconnect my aircard eventhough it doesn't work and if it did it wouldn't work where I live.  Without residential proof I had to pay the fee.  Our rental homes are under the business name and all the utilities are rolled into the lease so there aren't any bills that come in my name; therefore, I don't have appropriate residential proof according to Sprint. 

I ask Marquita what it would be to terminate my phone service as well.  $180 + $150 and what ever my current balance is. I never tell her to do it, but I guess she didn't like my tone of voice and did it anyway.  I went to use my old 940 number today and it was turned off.  I became enraged with the situation, and I almost chunked it out the window, but I don't litter and I don't have all the numbers in it memorized. 

I am done with Sprint .
So for my loyal fans, I mean freinds and family,  I'll be sending you my new Verizon 406 number soon.

Roll out of Bed

I slept in a bit this morning.  Kevin left for an event he is sponsoring in Kallispel last night so I had the place to myself.  I stayed up until 1 a.m. finishing my Vampyre book.  Probably not the smartest thing to do when home alone in a relatively new place, but I was able to sleep.  Kevin woke me around 9.  He is fond of finding reason to call, but I think he is really just making sure I'm out of bed.  Of course I tried to trick him with my fake super cheery no i'm not asleep hello, it might have worked this time.

I got up and decided I was going to make homemade cinnamon rolls, well semi-homemade, based on one of my favorite desserts: Sopapilla Cheesecake.  My friend Jodee Heimdal and her daughter Jessi introduced me to that dessert and I, in turn, have introduced to Missoulan society.  You can't really eat cake in the morning and feel good about it, so I decided to turn it into cinnamon rolls.  Everyone knows it's okay to eat those for breakfast at 10 in the morning. 

The ingredients:  1 package of Pillsbury recipe creations (you can use the cressant rolls but they are perforated and harder to work with), 1 pkg cream cheese, 1/3 cup sugar, melted butter, and cinnamon. ( I actually did this at 1/2 the recipe because I didn't want to make the entire roll and be tempted to eat it while at home alone.)

Preheat the oven to 375, put on the coffee, and then start the filling. Combine the sugar and cream cheese.  It's best if you let the cream cheese sit out for a while to soften.  Keep the dough in the fridge until last minute so it doesn't get too soft and sticky while you are trying to work with it.  Then roll it out onto a cookie sheet or piece of waxed paper.  Spread the filling mixture evenly from end to end and then roll back up.  Cut roll into 8-10 even sized pieces.  Next, brush with melted butter and sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar, to taste.  Repeat last step on the other side of roll.  Bake in oven for a period of minutes that falls between 12 and 15 or until they are the perfect shade of golden brownness for your particular palate.  Generally, if a recipe calls for 5-7 minutes I go for 6 it's in the middle, but if you have a two minute spread do you choose 13.5 minutes?  I don't know, so I cooked them for 16 the bottom was a bit more crispy than the top but not burned and not hard, just right.

The only thing these rolls were missing is that orange flavored gooey thing you put on top of the store-bought ones.  My mom use to make those for Michelle and me.  If only I knew how to make that goo. I would and then these would have been perfection.

All It Takes Is One

Jessica has a saying about 8 hugs a day and how they lift you up and keep you feeling good. Yesterday, was one of those days. I had been stressing over getting a job and decided I would interview with a family looking for a sitter a few days a week. It wasn’t my ideal job, but I like children and miss being around the ones my friends and family have so I went for it.

On the day of the interview, my hormones decided to come for a visit. I couldn’t find anything to wear, I was self-concious, emotional and feeling like a loser. I was about to walk out the door for a job I wasn’t sure I really wanted, but felt I needed so as not to be a burden on Kevin.

I met with the family, but I didn’t feel the connection. They were lovely people, the mother and daughter were gorgeous and the father was very nice and welcoming. I left there feeling low. Going through my head was the thought, “Hey college, get a real job.”

The next day, yesterday, I was being extremely hard on myself. Nothing seemed good enough, everywhere I looked was negativity, resistance and self-loathing. My friends were trying their best to bolster my self-esteem and lift my mood, but it just wasn’t happening.

The family called and I knew from “Hello” that they were calling to turn me down. The wife was so sweet about not hiring me. I almost felt bad for her because she was so nice in her rejection of me. After hanging up the phone my spirits were low. I thought, “Gee, I can’t even get a babysitting job.” What I should have been thinking was, “That’s for the best.” I threw myself on the bed and silently cried and then I felt like I should cry some more make it dramatic. That always makes me feel ridiculous, the loud sobbing with shuddering and some snot.

The best way to stop crying is to feel like a fool doing it, which I certainly did. I decided to rearrange some furniture. There’s nothing like moving beds, dressers and armoirs to work out your problems. When Kevin arrived, I was still in my heavy lifting mode, “I’m sorry you didn’t get that job.” He said. As I normally do I shrugged it off and didn’t say anything knowing if I did I would cry and he wouldn’t know what to do. He saw that I was upset and feeling low, and you know what he did? He said, “Can I do anything?” most of the time when men ask that women always say “No.” and the men walk away thinking at least "I tried." but not this time. Kevin asked, “Do you want a hug?” which made me feel so much better I didn’t cry. The tears that were threatening to flood went away, and I laughed and told Kevin how I had cried earlier but moved the furniture to make myself feel productive. He said, “I noticed; it looks nice.” That one hug and compliment were the best medication I’ve ever had for feeling low and sorry for myself.